EDUCATING OUR CHILDREN - CHARACTER
It is written, "Educate the child according to his way; when he is old,
he will also not turn away from it." Therefore, when the child is still
young, it is advantageous to teach him the main aspects of teshuvah and
working hard to perfect his character and to serve G-d.
A child is like a young, nourishing tree. When the tree is still young,
it is easy to bend it into any shape that is desired. However, when it
is older, it is hard to change its shape without all kinds of devices
and manipulations, and even then the results are not like what might
have been done with a young tree.
It is the same with the education of a child. Even if he does not
understand all that much, educate him according to his intelligence.
Teach him to acquire wisdom in order to ascend to levels that are above
him. Teach him to keep away from bad deeds, excessive luxury and bad
character traits. Then, when he is older, he will also not turn from
the good ways which were implanted within him.
Furthermore, since he became accustomed to curb his desires and bad
character traits because he was afraid of you, when he is older, he
will also find it easier to check his desires and bad character traits
out of fear of G-d. This will even be the case on levels that were
totally not in his awareness when he was young.
(Yesod Ha'avodah, Pt.2, Ch.8, p.74)
There are two ways by which a person can uproot bad character traits
and implant good ones.
In the first he can study and examine with great contemplation into the
subject of character. He will come to understand how destructive bad
character traits are, how they destroy the soul and the body and take a
person out of this world and the world to come. Also, he will come to
understand the great good which is hidden in all the good character
traits. He must pursue these contemplations until his heart becomes hot
and burns with excitement to resolve to abandon bad traits and stick to
good ones. This way is called "study."
The second way is called "practice." In this way a person must
repeatedly practice the opposite of his bad traits. He must even behave
in the extreme opposite of his bad traits, as the Rambam has explained
in Shmoneh Perakim. Concerning this, Chazal have said, "Study is not
the main thing, but practice..." (Avot Ch.1).
In other words, the study of character and contemplation upon its
details is not the main way to heal the soul. The main thing is
practice: repeated practice of the exact opposite of a person's bad
inclinations. These "external" practices eventually overturn the
internal inclinations, and transform the character into a good way.
It should be understood from this how important it is to train children
to behave in a good way and to keep away from bad behavior. Although
their understanding may be lacking, the good practices will become
rooted in their characters, and then they will go in a straight way all
their lives.
(Ohev Mussar, Ch.14)